étui, brute?
a couple years ago i assembled an étui.
[20231018]
i wanted a small kit of work essentials to keep and carry on my person.
it just so happened the mini-rug i hand knotted worked well as a pin cushion and fit nicely inside a tin i had on hand, into which i also included:
+ felted magnet needle-keeper
+ beeswax
+ leather thimbles
+ needle threader
+ bobbin of foundation thread
+ weavers comb
[20231018]
since making and using this étui a couple years ago, things have changed a bit.
i no longer use the weaving comb that i did, and i’ve felt pretty sore about it.
after spinning and feeling frustrated and unsupported at work, i ultimately decided to surrender my comb rather than bear the burden of using a tool provided by a workplace that might not support me in retrieving it if it were taken without my consent, and i was unsure whether more would be taken in similar fashion.
so, rather than wait for that to happen again, i decided of my own volition to give the comb back.
by the time i changed my mind to keep it anyway, it was gone.
i really liked that weaving comb. it was a real nice tool shape, and i was fond of how i came by it. but i wanted to reduce my reliance on the tools provided and use my own. i wanted to increase areas where i could exercise my agency and advocate for myself.
i have come to realize since how unprepared for and unaware i was of the emotional consequences of giving up this object and what it symbolized, for me.
the feelings of loss, the grief.
and, i unravelled.
whether i liked it or not, i had to live with the consequences of my decision. and, at first, i did not like it. and i did not like myself.
at the same time all of this was happening, i was really struggling with me. my self worth had been run raggedy – threadbare, in the gutter. i did not have esteem of my muthafuckin’ self.
this has been a tough one for me to get through.
i don’t know where i’m at with unwrapping this experience – have i uncovered a corner, or am i still trying to get the tape off?
i do know that over time i have felt differently.
i can vividly remember the initial regret and painful feelings of self-hatred and resentment for giving up and giving in to an unhealthy environment. the betrayal, the self-sabotage. no one made me do what i did in giving my comb back – that was all me! i hated that.
also since then, i can appreciate the consideration and effort i put into having conversations with my coworkers and workplace and communicating what i was observing, my feelings and needs, and requesting that my personal space be respected.
i’m slowing down. giving myself time to think, and consider more sides of a thing before making decisions.
i am understanding and working to accept and let things go...
and, life does indeed go on.
[20241204]
i really enjoy using my étui, and things are a little more worn-in now which i really like.
i’ve mended my thimble a couple times, most recently with some moleskin and superglue. i think the moleskin could use a refresh, otherwise still works well.
a small butterfly of lightweight wool warp replaced the chipboard bobbin and i now also carry small sharps – sizes 9 and 10 – beneath the rug-cushion.
and, after some time and some treasure hunting, i found a comb that i’ve been working with for the last year and change. i call my comb Valentina, and she is lovely.
[20241204]
this work thing has been a working thing and i’m glad it is starting to see some “daylight” so to speak. i don’t want to carry this stuff around suppressed. yuck.
processing is the practice, and practice makes progress...!
(p.s. – so happy to have these photos! keep going!)
rage
‘Black Rage’
William H. Grier & Price M. Cobbs
[1968 / Basic Books]
a few weeks ago, i found this copy of ‘Black Rage’ in a little lending library with the front cover defaced – completely ripped off.
hmm...
i also searched and found this conversation on ‘Black Rage’ from the series 'Treating the Root of Racism’ from the Carl Spain Center.
it ain’t over yet...
“Killing In the Name”
Rage Against the Machine
BBC Radio 5 Live
December 17, 2009
heavy metal
revisiting a favorite:
featuring
the Norfolk State University Spartan Legion Marching Band
[ NSU audio version + more ]
moony
new moon tonight.
most of these are old:
[20241013]
‘Finding Moon’
Tony Hillerman
[1995 / Harper Collins]
started reading alongside a re-watch of ‘Apocalypse Now’ and my first time ever watch of ‘Full Metal Jacket’.
sheesh...
‘Moonwalker’
Michael Jackson
[1988 / Warner Bros.]
vivid memories of watching and re-watching this on VHS.
outro performance by Ladysmith Black Mambazo’s is really special.
keep moving
‘Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change’
Maggie Smith
[2020 / One Signal Publishers/Atria Books]
on
“beauty emergencies”
"One morning I looked out the bathroom window and couldn’t believe the sky I saw—banded magenta, aqua, purple. I shouted to the kids. ‘hurry, look out back!’
My son, who was downstairs, went straight to the back door to see the sunrise. But my daughter came running into the upstairs bathroom.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.
‘Nothing’s wrong—just a beauty emergency. Look at that sky!” Because she is my child, she knows what a beauty emergency is: one of those things you have to look at now, before it’s gone.”
[Maggie Smith, ‘Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change’ / 2020]
[20250113]
prescience
Octavia E. Bulter
June 22, 1947 – February 24, 2006
pre•science \ ˈpre-sh(ē-)ən(t)s, ˈprē-, -s(ē-)ən(t)s \ n [ME, fr. LL praescientia, fr. L praescient-, praesciens, prp. of praescire to know beforehand, fr. prae- + scire to know — more at SCIENCE] (14c) : foreknowledge of events : a : devine omniscience b : human anticipation of the course of events : FORESIGHT — pre•scient \ -sh(ē-)ənt, -s(ē-)ənt \ adj — pre•scient•ly adv
[Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition]
2025-02-18
Bitch on Wheels / Body Double
St. Chroma / Tyler, The Creator featuring Daniel Ceasar
BITCH YOU COULD NEVER / Yseult
Crazy / Doechii
Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe / Kendrick Lamar
Karma Is a Bitch / A.J. & the Jiggawatts
Life’s a Bitch / Radiant Children
