bird by bird
‘Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life’
Anne Lamott
[1995 / Knopf Doubleday]
spinning
over under through
spinning out
z-twist
s-twist
the lot
i’ve spun away from the plot
i’m having a hard time with life, right now. i feel uncomfortable keeping that in and struggling through it alone. i think we are all having a hard time with life right now. just looking out and seeing what’s going on – doesn’t it seem like?
or, is it the same as it ever was only i’m understanding things in a different context than before?
i don’t know – and i’m feeling really scared by the uncertainty.
i am having a hard time grounding myself. feeling my feet planted anywhere and like i’m able to take things in stride.
i’ve gotten knocked back onto my heels after having my space violated at work – someone went through my things and took some of my tools. one was a pair of cuticle scissors that i use to trim down re-knots. i really liked that pair of scissors and i’d been given them new and nice and i felt distressed having had them taken and not knowing the circumstances of this things happening. then, someone also took some of my toothpicks real messily. i felt violated – my boundaries had been crossed.
i got to a point where i needed to express my distress to my coworkers and share that i did not appreciate someone going through my things and that i am ok with sharing and that i’d prefer people ask to use or borrow my things instead of taking them when i’m not there. seemed reasonable, but i ruffled some feathers - made some people uncomfortable - and quickly got shut down by the brass. “you’re not allowed to do that,” they said, without spelling out what “that” which i am not allowed to do is.
i think i got it, though.
that was all around the holidays that this happened.
i felt really upset and disoriented during that time. i really enjoy what i’m doing for work, right now. i’m just not that fond of the environment in which i’m doing it...
“location, location, location” as it’s said. seriously though, set and setting really matter for me. in this setting i’m consistently encountering immature behavior. in this environment (+ pandemic and other dis-regulating events) i am feeling myself work extra hard to keep my head above water where emotional maturity is involved. there are many things at this workplace that trigger me. things that i struggle to find new dance moves for...
